I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
that's an acceptable place to lick
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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