sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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