I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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