someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
