Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
