I think im going to throw up on grandma
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
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