Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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