This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
