Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
