if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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