we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
