i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
