im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
