Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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