kristin has been a bad kristin
Your dad touched me again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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