i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
