YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
