im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
