UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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