"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize