Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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