There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize