If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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