Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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