I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
