Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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