I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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