what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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