I think my fart just growled at me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
