I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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