I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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