Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
