my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
