I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
