We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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