i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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