found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
