Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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