you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
