I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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