Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
