Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
