the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
