my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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