Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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