Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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