You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
