I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
