dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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