He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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