That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
