I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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