Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize