Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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