I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
