I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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