every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
