when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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