I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
