i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
