girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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