so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
