Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
