Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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