Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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