Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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