Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
