Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize