Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
