Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
