i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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