the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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