she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I need help removing her.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
