My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
